This may keep me out of Heaven...

Anytime you say this phrase I guess your probably in trouble and you should (logically) stop, take a breath, repent, and move on...however, I think I need to vent (or my head just might actually explode!!!) Here it goes---I HATE PEOPLE!!!!! Nope, I don't feel any better! I think living amongst the bottom 2% is ruining me. When we moved to downtown (the 'hood or ghetto-as my family likes to say) we felt it was the right move for our family (and we continue to feel this way each time we pray about it-believe me we have prayed about it a lot, each time the crazies do something stupid like put Jeremy on a hit list for trying to get the prostitutes and drugs out of our neighborhood!!!) With Jeremy's job being a little unpredictable it was the way I've been able to stay home with my girls (which keeps me up at night some times because I absolutely LOVE being home with my kids but some days-like today- I feel if I have to stay here any longer I will turn into an hate filled monster--maybe there is no "turn into" maybe I already am!) It is SOOOO hard for me to find love for these people-I know they are my brothers and sisters but most of the time I just want to rage at them! Why are people so selfish and STUPID?!?!?! And how does Heavenly Father loves us ALL so much?!?! My compassion for humanity lessens everyday and some days (like today) I really HATE people! This is happening more than I think is healthy (I guess no kind of hate is healthy but I don't know how to stop feeling this way!) I know this is probably my problem, my issue, (even though I like to put it on everyone else!) I'm sure I just need to wake up and love my fellow man I'm just finding it VERY difficult to do! Well, I better go...I'm helping Jeremy put up a fence in our backyard (to try and shield us from the crazies!!-not sure it will help, but we have to try something I'm turning into the Grinch (of life) my heart is more than "two sizes too small"!!!!